


Everything Good

by stella_cruz



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Brooding Kylo, Coming In Pants, Complete, F/M, Fluff, Frottage, Lemon, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, Post-Canon, Redeemed Ben Solo, Slight Smut, Virgin Rey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 00:52:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14249529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stella_cruz/pseuds/stella_cruz
Summary: The memory of my first kiss is a haze of heat and lust. It wasn’t a gentle peck but it was filled with so much emotion that I clearly remember being overwhelmed.





	Everything Good

**Author's Note:**

> Pardon the errors in verb tense and grammar.

The memory of my first kiss is a haze of heat and lust. It wasn’t a gentle peck but it was filled with so much emotion that I clearly remember being overwhelmed.  
We were in a small room. 

Him and I.

He had abandoned the First Order shortly after his defeat in Crait. He simply strode into our base, no one knew how he knew where we were, and marched right up to the General. They handcuffed him while his eyes started into his long-abandoned mother’s. He was in the meeting room for hours when a decision had been made. He was allowed to stay. Apparently he had given in-depth damning information on the First Order. His information was quick to be used and Resistance victories became the norm in the months that followed.

He kept to himself and people did not know whether to call him Kylo Ren or Ben. He was neither and both somehow. Leia called him Ben, and in my thoughts, he had been Ben since we had touched hands on Ach’To. I had watched him unnervingly unable to bridge the gap that was created after his declarations with Snoke and his guards dead. I still see his extended hand and his desperate please when I close my eyes at night. 

After awhile, I took to sitting with him in the mess hall. I couldn’t stand the isolation I saw in him when my eyes drifted to where he had secluded himself away from everyone else. People were not cruel to him but they were not welcoming either. I decided to take the first step and plopped myself down with my food. He had looked up startled, but I ignored him and ate my food quietly. We fell into an uneasy routine where we ate together in companionable silence. 

“Thank you.” He had said one day in the middle of the meal.

I did not need to ask what he was thanking me for. I had felt the loneliness’ slowly ebb from him from the first moment I sat down.

That was months ago now and we still hadn’t said more than a couple of sentences to each other. He sat in the command meetings and gave his two cents. He worked with me on fixing random spacecrafts, never the Falcon not yet. He had begun to train at the same time as me and slowly we trained together moving through forms as effortlessly as during our only battle together. 

We were in the abandoned mess hall. Lunch over hours ago and dinner not yet being prepared.

He was seated on the tabletop while I sat on the attached seat. 

I was thumbing through the ancient texts trying vainly to concentrate. 

I can’t remember exactly what I was reading because I was so distracted by him. I felt the tension like a mist in the air, but like all the other times, I was the only who felt it. There was no way he felt it too. I was always the only one with the feelings. I was the one left wanting him. I was always the one left behind. There was no way he didn’t know how I felt. He could read my face like an open book, I was sure.

I don’t know exactly when my feelings changed. Back on Ach-To? During our fight against Snoke’s guards? When he finally returned home? All I know is there is a longing in me for him that I can no longer ignore. I tried to, in vain in the beginning. But it was no use. He had wormed his way in my heart with his little smiles given only to me when I did something relatively impressive working on a ship or during our training, or by the way he always brought me an apple during breakfast, and a brownie during dinner and nudged it towards me without even looking at me. Yet, he never made any inclination of wanting more, the more that I wanted desperately but had no idea of how to attain it. 

Despite all my frustration with him, all my anger and hurt over him not wanting me back, I was always left wanting him the minute my eyes found him. I could say to myself, He isn’t worth it, all I wanted but the minute I’m in his presence and he’s smiling at me all that goes out the window. All I’m left thinking is, maybe this time will be different. Maybe this time he’ll see. 

Pathetic, I know. He is my only weakness. I hate him for it. I hate myself for it. 

But there I was again, that war waging on in my mind.

I tried my best to ignore him and my conflicting emotions and focus on the book at hand. He seemed so aloof, so utterly content to just sit there on the table next to me while I sat somewhat below him on the seat. 

I felt him staring. The hair on my arms rose from the goose bumps. From the corner of my eye, I saw his eyes on me. I flushed, moving my head so my hair would cover my face hoping he couldn’t read my face. I had taken to keeping my hair down when not working or training. 

Suddenly, I feel my hair being pushed back from my shoulders before the shock of teeth against my neck sends shudders through my body. I stiffen when I feel his warm breath against the spot where my neck meets my shoulder and then his lips cover the tingling spot where he’d just bit. “Rey.” He breathes as my brain stutters to catch up.

He pulls back away from me and I turn to look at him my eyes wide with confusion. His eyes are wide with horror at the act he’d just pulled. But all I can think of is his teeth against my neck and the incredibly pleasurable shudder that passed through me that still has goose bumps raised.

He opens his mouth to say something when I act without thinking. Kriff it all, I think. 

I grab his face and pull him down to me before pressing my lips firmly against his. My eyes closed tight praying he doesn’t push me away. His lips instantly receive my kiss and move against mine slowly. Heat flares from where my fingers touch his face. I pull away slightly to allow breath to enter our lungs, our foreheads connected and our noses touching as we inhale and exhale the same breath.

“Finally.” I whisper moving my nose against his.

His lips touch mine again with urgency when suddenly I’m lifted from my seat and pushed roughly against the wall closest to the table. 

I shudder again and I’m on fire.

His hands are burning against my waist. 

My hands are clutching his broad shoulders.

His hips are pushed tightly against my core pinning me against the wall.

My legs wrapped tightly around him. 

His lips move against mine sensuously and my mind is a fog of pleasure. His hips begin to move against my center sending jolts of pleasure throughout my body. I feel myself moan after each wave of shudders. I feel him harden against me and my brain fizzles at the thought that I could do that to him. 

I move my hands from his shoulders to the back of his head holding him against me. I tug at his hair and I feel his groan vibrate through his chest as his hips rut against me faster. I feel something begin to coil in the pit of my stomach making my legs grip him tighter.

I pull away and throw my head back taking in deep breaths. Pleasure sparking my nerve endings wherever we are connected. He attacks my exposed neck; biting me gently before sucking the spot leaving kisses of flames in his wake. His hips continue in their relentless pace making the coil in my stomach tighter and tighter.  
I feel myself getting closer and closer to what I don’t exactly know. I pull him closer and bury my face against his neck when the pleasure gets almost too much to bear. I whimper. His hips swivel up and suddenly the coiling stops and I feel pleasure explode from my core. I feel myself bite down against his shoulder to suppress my screams as the pleasure leaves me shuddering; my toes curl as my legs hold him as close as I can. Behind my eyes the blackness has become a firework show of whites, reds and yellows as I struggle to regain my breath. 

He continues to move against me sending aftershocks of pleasure jolting throughout my body, slowly at first but then he quickens and I can feel him panting against my collarbone. “Rey.” He groans again the deep timbre of his voice sizzling down my spine.

Slowly the fog begins to leave my brain after the intense pleasure and I pull his face up and kiss him slowly. My tongue moving against his lower lip before sucking it into my mouth and biting gently. He moans and his pace falters slightly. His hands move from my waist to just under my breasts taking my shirt with them so his fingers burn my flesh. He pushes me up further against the wall. I tear my mouth from him and let out a breathy sigh as his thumbs brush against my nipples. I feel him groan against me and I feel the coiling begin again. 

He pulls away his forehead resting against mine. The hardness of him moving against me in the most pleasurable way. I was not experienced in any way, but this feels too good to stop. 

I open my eyes and find him staring at me his eyes foggy from lust. 

His hips begin to move erratically and I loose my breath as I tighten my grip against him even more. There is no longer any rhythm in how he moves against me. I’m surprisingly on the edge of release again when his grip on my sides tightens. Our eyes never leave each other and I’m lost in the lust in his dark brown eyes. With one hard thrust and a strangled cry his eyes close tightly as his head is thrown back. His body tenses pushing against my core. I hear his name come screaming from my mouth and then his lips and teeth are clamped down against my neck sending me over the edge wave after wave of pleasurable shudders wrack my body. 

I feel myself slowly come down from the bliss. My body limp against his; my head thrown against the wall. His lips replace his teeth as he kisses my neck as I shudder one last time. I detach my legs from around his body and step shakily against the ground. A filthy stickiness between my legs that makes me preen in the wonder of what we did together. I keep my hands clasped firmly on his shoulder unable to stand firmly on my own two feet.  
I take a deep breath and look up. The lust in eyes is replaced with softness so tender my heart squeezes.

He whispers my name softly and he takes my face tenderly in his hands tilting me so I’m staring directly at him. I close my eyes and let myself smile completely sated before looking at him again. 

Then suddenly there’s panic in his eyes and he’s pulling away from me. 

I fall against the wall still unsteady and stare at him confused.

He’s running his hands through his hair agitated. His back towards me.

“What’s wrong?” I ask my voice hoarse. 

“I’m so sorry.” He grits out painfully. His shoulders hunched and tense.

His words are like cold water poured over my body and I feel as though I’ve been slapped. Sorry? He regrets what we’ve done not two seconds later? Of course, why would things change now? It’s me with the feelings that he would be blind not to see. What could he possibly want with a mousy scavenger girl?

“Why?” I asked tears of shame and hurt filling my eyes. I need to know. I need to hear him say I am unworthy. A no one.

His answer surprises me. “You don’t deserve what I just did to you. I can’t believe I let myself get so out of hand, so out of control.” He says his voice strangled. “You deserve so much better. I’m so sorry.”

Anger has taken over my hurt. “I’m not.” I say forcefully. “Look at me.” I demand my voice shaking a little. 

He turns around slowly meeting my eyes. I grab his shirt and pull him against me. I’m tired of this game. Either he wants me or he doesn’t. 

“I’m not sorry.” I say again glaring into his sorrowful eyes.

“Rey,” he begins to look away. “But I-” 

“No, Ben! ” I say forcing him to look at me again. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you. How long I’ve wanted you. That was the single most erotic moment of my life and I don’t regret anything.”

His hands are against my hips and he shakes me his eyes now hard. “You should! You deserve so much better! I don’t deserve you! I’m a monster. I’m no good!” He practically screams. His face snarling at his declaration. I blink at him.

It suddenly clicks. Everything makes sense now. My head is spinning with this new information. He does want me. He just doesn’t think he deserves this.

I soften. I place my hands against his cheeks making him look at my eyes. He looks at me with renewed sorrow.

“Let me decide what I deserve. Let me decide.” I say softly, pleading with him caressing the scar I’ve given him.

“I’m no good.” He whispers brokenly leaning his forehead against mine and I know I’ve won.

“Yes, you are. You’re everything good for me.” I breathe.

He looks at me again his eyes soft with tenderness and awe. Then he’s kissing me again, softly, moving against my lips like I’m made of glass. I feel treasured and safe. My heart glows.

Finally.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked this fluffy little one-shot.  
> Kudos warm the heart :)


End file.
